In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
