As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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