Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
