Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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