i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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