we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
