I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I know her cup size but not her name....
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
