Ambien. No doubt about it.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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