I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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