It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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