fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I have tasted many bathrooms
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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