he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
