I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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