can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
