Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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