so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
