I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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