I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
