So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
