I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
