At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
