I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
