I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize