Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
