dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
