so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
