3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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