I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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