i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
