I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
