I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
