I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
