Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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