Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
