Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
