how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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