If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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