Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize