take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
