He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
