but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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