For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
