Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
