just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
