It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
