Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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