Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
