so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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