Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
