im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
