you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
