listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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