Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
