I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
