Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Randomize
