just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
