So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
