im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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