whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
