i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
