Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
