We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
