Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
