I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Let's get the cat blown out
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize