I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
