yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
