Moan for me like Helen Keller
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
