Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
vagina is talking i cant
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
