You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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