I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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